I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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