I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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