So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
