I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
