My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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