I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
