I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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