do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
