My pussy is not your playground.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
