Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
