Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
