My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
