Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
