I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
