I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
