I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
sarcasm needs its own font
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
and you fell through a lawn chair
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
