So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
