nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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