sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
