I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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