mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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