I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
