I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
