I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
