We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
