omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
