ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
This baby is an asshole
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
