Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
