He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
