Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I am naked and annoyed.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
