This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
