Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
