i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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