if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
