i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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