nut hugger
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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