If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Randomize
