also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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