do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
