Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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