please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
