Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
