i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
there is glitter all over my balls
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
