Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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