I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
