Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
