Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
