there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
