don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
