I'm pants shitting drunk right now
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
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