Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
